ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize