trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
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