I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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