I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
