Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
