i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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