sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
