Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
