I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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