Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
