jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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