The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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