I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
