he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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