Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
