i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
