My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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