...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
