You smell like a Billy Joel song
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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