yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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