Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
