You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
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I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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