guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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