I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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