Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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