booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
