you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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