she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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