Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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