i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
