my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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