Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
