I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
