u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
