Im at strip club and am horny
Say something about gay babies.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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