im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
