btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
