If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
