I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
