So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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