Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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