dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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