fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
