guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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