You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
