i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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