you guys were way drunker than both of me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
