I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
