Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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