The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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