ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
