someone threw a dead crab at me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
jump out the window naked night went bad
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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