Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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