and you said cock pushups were impossible
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
