I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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