12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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