i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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