My nipple is on Facebook.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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