i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
