she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
