I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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