someone get that fucking seahorse.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
