I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize