I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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