i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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