I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
