So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
