you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
