new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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